Carleton College knows how to get its students good. Starting last year, students now have to submit writing portfolios that showcase our work across a number of requirements. It is due next week. Therefore, this week I must, among other things:

1. Wade through masses of old papers to find 3 to 5 pieces that both meet the requirements and don’t suck
2. Edit said papers so that they don’t suck more
3. Not die in the process
4. Whore myself out to anywhere from 3 to 5 professors, hoping they remember my name/don’t have a grudge against me/like me a LOT and are willing to authenticate my papers at the last minute
5. Complete an essay telling my reader exactly what they want to hear
6. Fill out a waiver for human research purposes (yeah, I don’t understand why either)
7. Somehow find the special “writing portfolio” folder given to me last year in which to put my materials
8. I don’t know what happens after that, but I’m assuming it’s bad and I doubt I’ll get there anyway so whatever

Maybe this doesn’t sound dire enough to you, the non-Carleton-student reader. But this is an evil plot by the Write Place, the English department, and English speakers everywhere, I am convinced. Also, someone, somewhere told me I should take this seriously. I’m not sure why (even the Writing Requirement minions don’t seem to know why), but clearly, I should be taking this seriously.

*shakes uncontrollably*

…OK, so I’m exaggerating a little bit. Fine, I’m making this up. I’m not really stressed. Hell, I’m downright apathetic. What could the writing requirement people (no one actually knows who these people are) possibly do to me anyway? But I had you convinced, right? That must mean my writing isn’t that bad.

Note: Alicia is wrong, I do not sound like a dork when I write…stupidhead!

Posted on May 4th, 2004 by Lee
Tagged: College