It’s getting down to that time now where I have to buy people souvenirs from my trip. I’m sorry, but what a waste of time and a monumental pain in the neck! I hate buying people stuff they have no use for. Imagine this conversation:

• Visitor: My, what a nice Big Ben paperweight/Queen Elizabeth bobblehead doll/Stonehenge commemorative pencil you have there! Were you in England recently?
• Gift Recipient: No, I’ve never been to (insert tourist trap here). But my friend/neighbor/former playground bully was there last summer and got me this gift. Isn’t it nice?
• Visitor: That’s great!
• Gift Recipient: Yeah, I’m glad he was so thoughtful. I mean, what says "me" better than a "Sounds of the Scottish Highlands" tape/London Underground shot glass/Union Jack thong? Besides, now I can always remember the time that I sat at home eating Cheetos and watching Spongebob while he was in England.
• Visitor: That’s fantastic. I wish I were so lucky. My mother in law’s hairdresser went to England last summer and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.

*shudders*. Unfortunately, it turns out that it is statistically impossible to buy anyone anything useful while engaged in the act of being a tourist. And who would want to anyway? Think of the dent on our national income if people stopped spending their money on things they don’t need!

So if you don’t get a gift from me this trip, consider yourself lucky. Instead of getting crap you don’t need, you’ll be getting the greatest gift of all: the gift of not having to waste your time, money or energy archiving the junk I gave you on the off chance that I ask you about it 50 years from now and hinge our entire relationship on its continued presence.

And I’ll be saving my extensive English bobblehead doll collection for someone that really needs it. Me.

Posted on August 10th, 2004 by Lee
Tagged: Cambridge, Studyabroad