I’ve been a student in Minnesota for two years, but never have I felt more Minnesotan than walking around the Minnesota State Fair yesterday.

When you think of the things that define a fair, midway rides, animal exhibitions, and concerts by has-been classic rock bands usually come to mind. Maybe food enters into the equation, but other than pining for that perfect candy apple, no one really goes to most fairs just for the food. But the Minnesota State Fair is totally different; the food is totally essential to the experience. What other fair can boast 43 different foods on a stick, as well as such culinary delights as the batter-fried Twinkie and deep fried corn on the cob?

When Alicia said we were going to eat our way through the Fair, I was skeptical. I wasn’t skeptical about finding suitably interesting food. I just figured that Alicia would wimp out before we really gorged ourselves with grease. Boy was I wrong. Alicia is a self-proclaimed marathon eater, and it showed. By the end I was the one begging her to have mercy on my poor digestive tract. THe list is pretty impressive:

1. Deep-fried cheese curd: We wasted no time starting with this one. This stuff is greasy beyond belief, and it smells like movie popcorn butter. I’m told that it’s an Upper Midwest classic, which is why I had to try it. I won’t be going back for it though. I like cheese curd when it’s not deep fried, but this was just too much for me.
2. Corn dog: This was tame really. No surprises, just a “Pronto Pup” just as you’d expect it, with ketchup and mustard brushed onto the outside. Apparently they sell half a million a year at the fair.
3. Belgian waffle on a stick: We went for this one just because it sounded interesting. It was chocolate dipped, with whipped cream and sprinkles on it. It was much lighter than most of the things we had, which contrasted well with all the other crap we consumed over the course of the day.
4. Chocolate malt: I could have passed on this one, but Alicia insisted. TO be honest, it wasn’t a very good malt. It was thick, but it didn’t have much malt powder in it. It reminded me too much of a Wendy’s frostie, which wasn’t what I was hoping for. I’m sure there are other places at the fair that sell better malts.
5. Mario’s pita: We actually tried to be healthy at dinner time, which was probably good, cause we might have collapsed if we hadn’t. This was a chicken pita that was grilled with lemon and wine sauce and artichoke (though I couldn’t find any artichoke in it). I even asked them to go light on the sauce. With a little lemonade to wash it down, you would have thought we were trying to be responsible eaters. And you would have been very, very wrong.
6. Funnel cake: The best way to end a dinner that is good for you is with a dessert that is horrendously bad for you. Funnel cake is so oily, yet oh so good. We probably should have felt bad about this, but compared to the bloomin’ onion that our friends were eating next to us, it didn’t look that bad. The profit margins on throwing flower, water and sugar into a vat of oil, then pulling it out and throwing powdered sugar on it have to be enormous.
7. Brownie and coffee: A two course meal just wouldn’t do for the State Fair, so we had to have a post-dessert and coffee. Fortunately, when you split the brownie four ways, it’s not so bad for you. This may have been the most gooey brownie I have ever had. You could probably use it as caulk to seal your window frames. Without the coffee, you would have been screwed. But the combination was oh so good.
8. Cinnamon toasted almonds: After the brownie and coffee, I figured we were done. But then we went to iends carefully examined every ring on sale in the entire pavilion, we had to put up with the tempting smell of warm cinnamon toasted almonds nearby. I had the willpower to resist, but Alicia didn’t, and she broke down. I told her “I’ll just have one or two,” but of course I ended up eating half of them. These were really good. And maybe all that almond oil will do something about the obscene amount of cholesterol we had consumed by this point.

Of course, this list doesn’t count all the things we had bites of, like caramel apple, the bloomin’ onion, ice cream, etc. I think my lower digestive tract is still gonna be out of commision for a couple of days cause of this one. And now I have a headstart on gaining back all the weight I lost over the summer.

Cultural experiences are always best when they involve food. And the Fair is definitely a cultural experience. It turns out there’s nothing more American than going to the Minnesota State Fair and gorging yourself. Having been in the States for only a few days, I haven’t quite digested that fact yet.

No pun intended.

Posted on August 29th, 2004 by Lee
Filed under: Uncategorized