Last night I flew back to New York. Since I was barely home for 48 hours last time, it felt almost like I was returning again for the first time. Without the all night drive from New York City up to Ithaca or the extreme jet lag, but nonetheless.

In large part, unlike the first time, I felt this sense of finalness that I didn’t have before. Everything has felt so transitory over the last few months, that settling down in my house seems, at some level, like it should be a good thing. On the other hand, as I know I’ve said before, my immediate plan for my life basically ends here. I’m going to spend the next few days sitting at home and maybe constructing something of a plan for myself (which, at this point, consists mostly of working crappy hours as a cashier and not having enough money to pay for anything). My previous thoughts about taking advantage of being home have mostly faded away. Right now, I’m just hoping to avoid too much of a let down.

Making matters worse is that my dad’s car is basically not drivable at this point. Well, it runs, but barely, and I really can’t go visit anyone in it. So I think I’m going to get intimately familiar with the television for a couple days. I have things to take care of too, though I have a feeling I’m not going to get to them. I’m too busy doing nothing to avoid procrastinating.

And of course, really missing my girlfriend doesn’t make things any better. Right now, I can talk to her on the phone almost all I want, but she’s leaving on Labor Day for China, and she’ll be there for ten weeks. I basically did the same thing to her when I left for England, and now I understand how she felt. It’s tough to get excited about doing nothing exciting at home when most of your friends are out of town at school and your best friend is out of easy contact.

The best idea I’ve come up with for what to do with myself is swing dance. I figure I’ll look into things and see if I can take some lessons, as well as doing all the dancing I can. That’s the best way I know of to keep busy and make new friends. We’ll see how that goes. And if anyone else has any good ideas, let me know.

Posted on August 31st, 2004 by Lee
Filed under: Uncategorized