My family’s Oldsmobile has finally seen its last today. Tomorrow morning I take the plates off our 1988 Oldsmobile Delta 88 Royal Brougham and turn ‘em in. It was a good car while it lasted, but it’s time to move on. I’ll be pulling the plug on life support and sending her to that great big junkyard in the sky.

What was its crime, you ask? Why abandon a car that has given you so much, and still runs? Before you get into a fit about the morals of automotive euthenasia, let’s recount just what’s wrong with it.

1. Engine Problems: So it can’t go up hills faster than 45, it stalls out when you put it in gear, and it jolts violently when it downshifts, what’s the big deal? I’ll admit I could live with this if it were the only thing wrong with it. Heck, I’d even consider putting the money in to fix it.
2. Rust: All old cars get rust, so after 16 years, it’s no surprise. But rusting body parts don’t inspire much confidence.
3. Ceiling Issues: You know the weird felty velvety strange stuff that they glue to the ceilings of cars? Well when that stuff comes unglued, it hangs down, gets in the way while you’re driving, and is a real pain. We tried propping it up with rubber bands and duct tape, but ultimately it was a lost cause.
4. Air Conditioner: I wasn’t surprised when the air conditioner on this car went. That was a year and a half ago. And for awhile, it was fine, since we could just roll the windows down.
5. Windows: That’s right, both the front driver’s and passenger’s side windows won’t go down. OK, so the passenger’s side one will go down, but to get it back up requires a wrench or a grip and about five minutes. Not an ideal situation when it suddenly starts to rain. Plus, let’s be honest, without an air conditioner or windows down in a dark car is a health hazard in the summer.
6. Driver’s side door: The car has power locks. But not long after we got the car, the power unlock on the driver’s side failed. Thus, I had to reach over to the passenger’s side to unlock the car. No big deal, right? Well, it got worse. Eventually the driver’s side lock became stuck altogether. Now the driver’s side door doesn’t open at all, and the only way to fix it is to find an entirely new door. Getting in on the passenger’s side and crawling over the seat is decidedly unfun. Plus, if I ever got pulled over, I’d have to talk to the officer through the rear window. Not cool.
7. Paneling: Having to hold up parts of the paneling on the dashboard with a rubber sandal so it doesn’t expose wires is not the best way to keep your car together.

OK, so that covers the most grevious of the car’s sins. In summary, this thing is beyond a piece of crap, and it’s about time it gets put out of its misery.

Still, I’m gonna miss the old thing. I took my high school prom dates to the prom in that car. I road tripped 1750 miles in that car visiting friends. The back seat has seen some times too. Back when it wasn’t falling apart and it was actually something worth cleaning up and making it look nice. Looking at it now is just sad.

Our replacement vehicle is a truck. It’s a huge thing, a V-8 extended cab Chevy Silverado that’s loaded with features. I’m not looking forward to driving it. It’s big and it probably gets horrible gas mileage. I calculated that it’s now going to cost me about $4 a day just to get to work and back. But that’s not the root of the problem. The truck lacks soul.

Even though it was an old car with a lot of miles, back in high school I used to drive the Olds around and just be happy. I could pick up friends and go wherever. I could go on road trips large or small. It was a boat, but it was low to the ground and I could park it. Even if my dad owned it and drove it when I wasn’t around, the fact that it was a car that fit me and my needs made me feel like it was, on some level, mine. This truck does not fit me or my needs, and it was clearly purchased without my needs in mind. I told my parents what I thought they should get, what would be beneficial for me while I’m home, but they weren’t interested. I think they didn’t care. It will never be mine, and I will never be at home driving it.

Getting rid of the old car and replacing it with a truck is the first step in getting me out of the house for good.

Posted on September 19th, 2004 by Lee
Tagged: Life