I’m no fuddy-duddy when it comes to things like diversity, multiculturalism or alternative lifestyles. I consider myself a reasonably worldly person. I’m neither the most nor the least socially responsible person I know, but at least I’m honest with myself about it. Perhaps most importantly, I’m a pretty adaptable and laid-back person.

Some things, however, just creep me out. Things like this feel-good drivel (courtesy of Beyond Satire):

Café Gratitude is our expression of a world of plenty. Our food and people are a celebration of our aliveness. We select the finest organic ingredients to honor the earth and ourselves, as we are one and the same. We support local farmers, sustainable agriculture and environmentally friendly products. Our food is prepared with love.

We invite you to step inside and enjoy being someone who chooses: loving your life, adoring yourself, accepting the world, being generous and grateful everyday, and experiencing being provided for. Have fun and enjoy being nourished. Welcome to Café Gratitude.

I love life, but do I really need to adore myself? The writers clearly do. The owners’ descriptions of themselves on the Café Gratitude website pretty much sums up my disgust:

MATTHEW ENGELHART started training in the being of abundance in 1984 and today he is skillful at being able to keep his attention on all there is to be grateful for. Being in his presence is extraordinary as he inspires you to be present to the endless beauty and bounty of life. What he shares isn’t positive thinking, it is about developing the ability to go beyond our own petty wants and desires and connecting with the grandeur of all of life.

Yes, he is a millionaire and lives a truly amazing life, and although there is no solid evidence that his wealth is a result of his practice, he is willing to invest his assets into sharing this abundance practice with others around the world. He is a successful business man, loving husband, father of two and most importantly a man who celebrates and loves seeing others open up to receiving more than they could ever imagine.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m proud of who I am, but is this love-fest really necessary? Why can’t the Baby Boomers feel bad about themselves for once in their lives?

Sometimes I think that they Boomers look down on my generation not because not because we’re apathetic, but because our convictions aren’t borne of the same narcissism as theirs. If they had the chance, the Boomers would probably write The Greatest Generation II about themselves.

People like this wonder why the rest of the world doesn’t share their vision.

(Incidentally, I liked San Francisco a lot when I was there on my road trip. Beautiful city, great food, lots of young people. Hopefully most aren’t as self-possessed as this.)

Posted on May 14th, 2006 by Lee
Tagged: Food, Society | 2 Comments »

This is what we talk about over dinner in my house.

“Which came first, the chicken or the egg?”

If you’re a Creationist, the chicken obviously came first, because God created the first chickens, which subsequently laid eggs.

If you’re an Evolutionist, the egg obviously came first, since a genetic mutation in an offspring somewhere along the line caused a non-chicken to lay an egg which then turned into a chicken.

Think about the ramifications of that.

Note: If you believe in Intelligent Design, it doesn’t matter which came first, because we lowly humans are too stupid to understand the egg-chicken dynamic. Which is why we obviously shouldn’t ask.

Posted on May 13th, 2006 by Lee
Tagged: College, Fun, Society | No Comments »

I’ve given up on being a shrill dissenter. After all, most of us are dissenters these days, aren’t we? The more time you spend with shrill dissenters, the more you realize that most of them are just intolerable. They’re opportunistic, they oversimplify, they mischaracterize; in short, they’ll say anything to put down the object of their spite.

Much better to be a snide observer. Snide observers are always right. After all, no matter what happens, they still get to be snide about it. I don’t have to assent to such obviously silly statements as “Bush is an idiot” or “Bush is too stupid to understand why he’s wrong.” In fact, I don’t have to think that W. is stupid at all. I just have to rest assured that I am smarter/more ethical/better in bed than he is (although Bush certainly is in bed with a lot of people isn’t he?)

The great thing about being snide about the Bush administration is that it’s so easy. Watching the news these days is like watching a train wreck–in slow motion. Actually, it’s more like watching someone fall over from drinking too much. You feel vaguely bad about it, and you know it sure sucks for them, but damn is it funny!
Nonetheless, I can’t help but laugh when I read this (from the U.S. Food Policy blog):

Washington Post columnist Al Kamen this morning:

Career appointees at the Department of Agriculture were stunned last week to receive e-mailed instructions that include Bush administration “talking points” — saying things such as “President Bush has a clear strategy for victory in Iraq” — in every speech they give for the department.

The funniest part of the column is an attachment that USDA officials are supposed to use as a template, showing how easy it is to change any speech topic to a commentary on our success in Iraq.

Here is a general all-purpose transition:

Several topics I’d like to talk about today — Farm Bill, trade with Japan, WTO, avian flu, animal ID — but before I do, let me touch on a subject people always ask about… progress in Iraq.

Here is an example for use by a USDA official who might be giving a talk about civil rights in the administration of U.S. agricultural programs:

So, before I begin talking about the civil rights climate at USDA, I’d like to address the situation in another nation that is just now forging the path to democracy.

… (read the rest)

I’m not even sure I have something snide enough to say about this. Unlike most of the political news these days, it’s not scary, just over-the-top. Like watching drunk people fall over. Humorously pathetic.

In that spirit, I think this deserves a formal reply. Perhaps I’ll mail it along to Pennsylvania Avenue. What do you think?

Dear President Bush:

Keep on chugging Mr. President. History won’t vindicate you, but we’re still stuck with you, and you’re still stuck with us. Just look busy so we don’t have to feel so bad about electing you. Don’t worry, the embarrassment will all be over soon. Thanks.

Sincerely,
A Snide Observer

Too harsh? Nay, not harsh enough.

Posted on May 12th, 2006 by Lee
Tagged: Politics | 2 Comments »

Graduation is 30 days from today. 32 days from today I will be driving myself home, belongings in tow, preparing myself for the so-called real world. 34 days from today and 1000 miles away, I’ll unload my stuff temporarily, drive down to Washington D.C., and start hunting–apartment hunting.

That is, of course, if I don’t find someplace to live sooner than that. I’m currently spending hours of each day ferreting through Craigslist, somehow hoping that the perfect apartment for me will plop itself down on my computer screen and refuse to leave until I’ve been beaten mercilessly into signing a lease.

I’ve resigned that I may well live in an overgrown closet. Fine, as long as the location is decent and the rent isn’t too scandalous. I’ve accepted that I will spend hours of my life driving around the streets of D.C. looking for a place to park so that I can get home. I’ve accepted that basement living isn’t so bad. So really, there should be no shortage of places out there.

That’s not the problem. The real problem is trying to evaluate these places from so far away. I have a friend who’s offered to look at some places for me, but searching this way is still something like playing darts by candlelight. Even if you get lucky and randomly hit the bullseye, you can’t tell until you get much closer.

The other problem is that things are still very much up in the air. Current options include both sharing a place with my girlfriend and renting a bigger house to form our very own Carleton ghetto. However, since we’re all looking at jobs in different parts of the metro area, finding a suitable place is no easy task. Without some feet on the ground, figuring out how to divide up a house will be a real challenge.

I’m running around without a clue. Maybe I’ll find someplace soon, maybe not. Maybe I’ll be living like a king in the ‘burbs, maybe I’ll be in the center of everything, I haven’t the faintest idea. Yet I’m supposed to start my job in less than two months. This is craziness.

All I know is that I’d better not end up sleeping in my car.

Posted on May 11th, 2006 by Lee
Tagged: Life | 1 Comment »

This weekend I finally realized just how close I am to graduation.

When I go dancing on Thursday nights in Minneapolis, there’s one song that often gets played. It’s called “I’m Gonna Miss Minneapolis” and it’s by Vic Volare. I’ve never liked that song. In fact, I distinctly dislike it. It’s just way too lounge-y and cheeseball for my tastes (no surprise there, since Vic has a lounge orchestra). Of course, this weekend, I didn’t have to listen to it. In fact, I listened to lots of music I liked, and danced until my feet felt like lead weights (what better way to spend a weekend).

Yet, as I drove home on Sunday night from my most excellent weekend at Midwest Lindyfest, I couldn’t help but think about how much I am going to miss all my Minneapolis dancer friends–even more than my college friends–when I leave in a few weeks.

College is, in a sense, always your home away from home. From the beginning, you’ve known the party had to end sometime. It can’t be socially acceptable to drink at 8am forever. Your place at college is temporary. It’s beyond reality. Everything is temporary, and eventually we all must spread out into the world to do the things we were educated to do, whether it be in economic consulting or flipping burgers while pondering Kierkegaard. That’s always just been the nature of the beast.

Swing dancers are another matter entirely. No matter how strange and cult-like the swing dancing culture may be, swing dancing is reality. My swing dancing friends are rooted in the community. They are permanent fixtures while my life–and the lives of all my college friends–swirl in uncertainty. To leave college is to leave nothing behind; everyone else goes with you. But to leave dancing friends is to leave behind a community intact. That’s a much tougher loss to stomach.

Of course, I’ll be back. I’m already planning my first return trip, for the Ultimate Lindy Hop Showdown. My friend dubbed it Homecoming because of all the ex-Minneapolites that will be back. But Mr. Volare, you’re right about one thing; I’m gonna miss Minneapolis.

Posted on May 9th, 2006 by Lee
Tagged: College, Dance, Life, Music | No Comments »